


Your walls are painted green, our vines have intertwined

by only90sbirdsremember



Category: Pet Shop of Horrors
Genre: Anal Sex, Bathtub Sex, Canon-Typical Hallucinations, Come Inflation, Double Penetration, Drugged Sex, Dubious Consent, M/M, Mostly porn, Oral Sex, Plant sex, Sex Pollen, fuckplant-on-human gangbang
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-11
Updated: 2019-12-11
Packaged: 2021-02-17 21:53:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21750319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/only90sbirdsremember/pseuds/only90sbirdsremember
Summary: "Fuckin' A," Leon grumbles, trying another locked door, "did the count dump his whole damn incense supply into a bonfire or something?" The floral scent in the air is so thick, it's getting hard to breathe. (The part of Leon's brain that knows what caution is whispers to him,things always get weird when you start really smelling that stuff,but he's had long, long practice ignoring it.)
Relationships: Count D/Leon Orcot, Leon Orcot/Original Male Characters
Comments: 10
Kudos: 137
Collections: Writing Rainbow Green





	Your walls are painted green, our vines have intertwined

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LuciferxDamien](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LuciferxDamien/gifts).



Leon finds the shop dark, quiet, and empty.

Not completely empty-- the count loved his damn tchotchkes, vases and flowers and throw pillows and weird little Chinese thingies all over the damn place. It's a goddamn fire hazard, in Leon's opinion, especially with all the fucking incense the count left laying around and burning at all hours of the day-- but there wasn't any Count, and none of his weird cats with their too-smart eyes were wandering around either. Usually you could hear little noises from the back, growls or chirps or things Leon didn't know how to describe, but today...

It's dark, and quiet, and it's putting him on edge.

"Count? You in here?" he calls, and gets no reply, and if he weren't a fucking idiot, he'd turn around and leave and eat this damn cake himself. But he's-- well, he's definitely not worried about the Count, that guy runs with mafia dons and noblemen and probably vampires, but...

He sets the pastry box on the table, and after another moment of waiting for the man to appear out of nowhere, pushes into the hallways behind the shop.

Leon doesn't know how all this shit back here fits into the building, to be perfectly fucking honest. He's not sure he wants to know, because, knowing the Count, it'll turn out that... that the shop is actually a pet goldfish or some other insane thing. But he knows damn well that D keeps things he probably shouldn't have back here, and maybe he doesn't have a warrant and hadn't _planned_ to poke around back here today, but... when opportunity opens a door, you don't just stand there and wait for the Count to come by to distract you from whatever misdeeds he's been up to. 

Anyways, it's not an illegal search if he's not even on the clock. It's just regular snooping, right?

•••

"Fuckin' A," Leon grumbles, trying another locked door, "did the count dump his whole damn incense supply into a bonfire or something?" The floral scent in the air is so thick, it's getting hard to breathe. (The part of Leon's brain that knows what caution is whispers to him, _things always get weird when you start really smelling that stuff,_ but he's had long, long practice ignoring it.)

He's not sure he's going to find anything, because all the doors back here are locked tight as vaults, and that's the ones that even have handles. It's like Weird Chinese Fort Knox got knocked up by a labyrinth, and now he's kind of not sure he knows how to get back up to the front-- where the hell IS the Count, anyways? Where are all the goddamn _animals_? Leon's not freaking out, but he's maybe freaking out a little, and the incense is making his eyes start to hurt, and maybe this was a really bad idea but Leon's not going to let a little spooky weirdness drive him off.

The next door gives under his touch, and he nearly falls into a room that looks so thick with smoke that for a second he thinks there might be a real fire happening.

Another breath, though, and he realizes it's steaming mist-- a hot fog, like he's just stepped into a sauna, and suddenly it feels about eight hundred fucking degrees out. The steam billows around him, and the door swings shut on its own behind him, and he can barely even see his own sneakers.

"Dammit, D, what are you keeping in here?" he growls, and backs up, groping for the door-- but there's no handle on this side, and when he turns to try prying it open, it stays where it is. The humidity must've stuck it shut, he tells himself, even as his heart starts to pound. "Fucking weird-ass--"

Something rustles behind him; his hand is on his gun before he's done turning around, but he can't see a damn thing. Maybe some plants past the swirling mist? God, it stinks in here, like someone went wild with a lighter in a Yankee Candles--

Covering his nose and mouth with the back of his hand, he takes a couple steps deeper into the room, and there's another soft rustle. D has to have one of his weird pets in here? Whatever's happiest living in a flower-scented sauna has got to be exotic, right? Probably illegal, if he can just catch the damn thing...

Stepping forward, the dark, glossy leaves of the plants resolve out of the mist, hot drops of water crowded on their shiny leaves; he brushes them aside with his other hand, and the water shakes off, drips onto his pants and smears over his skin as he moves through the goddamn jungle D's growing in here. Here and there, a huge flower ducks its brightly-colored head out, the blooms as wide as goddamn forearm; it kind of reminds him of that weird dream he once had, in the natural history museum...

Leon sneezes, and something catches his ankle; he yanks his gun on the innocent vine laying across the ground, heart pounding.

"Fuck," he says, and laughs at himself, and turns to look back over his shoulder.

He can't see the door from here, the hot white mist swirling into a wall between him and it, but he knows he came from that direction, and with determination he plunges ahead-- and smacks right into the wall before him instead. "Mother _fucker_ ," he tells it, and sits on the ground for a moment, rubbing his sore face. (It's a little cooler down here, and the smell of flowers seems almost pleasant, not cloying, as he mumbles curses at his own carelessness.) "Okay, so here's the fucking back of the room, but where's whatever he's keeping in here?" he asks the air, and leans back against the wall, and takes a breath. He can't smell any animals, but D's place never smells like animals anyways, not with all the weird shit he burns and all these plants-- he can't smell anything but plants, green and floral and pollen that's tickling his nose, the hot wet smell of the steam, and there's pollen tickling his nose, and the steam sticks to his skin, and... the pollen... is tickling his nose...

•••

Leon doesn't know how long he sits there, or how he misses the rustling; it feels like he blinks slowly, and there's a flower resting on his shoulder; he blinks, and there's a vine wound around his wrist; his head nods, and the rustling sounds like giggling, almost, sly and stealthy; he blinks, and there's sweat dripping in his eyes, and he can't quite raise his hand to wipe it away, limbs like lead and spaghetti. He blinks, and his arm is being pulled up without him noticing, and there's green leaves and bright red flowers blooming beautifully on the vine that tugs it upwards, and the air smells sweet and wonderful; he's panting, trembling.

•••

There's giggling in his ear.

•••

The pollen tickles his nose, and he sneezes, and he can't feel the wall behind him.

•••

There's a leaf tickling his nose, and Leon thinks he must have dozed off, slumped into one of the plants; it's too hard to blink his eyes open. The air feels wet and hot on his skin, on his arms, on his stomach, and a leaf tickles across his chest, and it feels nice...

•••

He's on his knees, and his hands are behind him; he can't move them, and the floor feels cool under his cheek, the leaves brushing against his body feel so fucking good, and after a sluggish tug he doesn't try to move anyways...

•••

Leon blinks his eyes open, and feels a little more awake, and he can hear someone giggling behind him; he's slumped against the ground, and he feels so relaxed, so good, that it's almost weird. When was the last time he felt like this?

"Don't move, don't worry," a soft voice murmurs in his ear, and he drowsily tips his head, and beside him is a beautiful flower, and the flower is smiling at him, its eyes as green as its leaves. Does it have leaves? No, it's a beautiful man, almost as pretty as the Count, and Leon blinks at him as the flower's hand brushes across his cheek, his lips, presses a thumb into his mouth.

"Don't move, don't worry," echos a flower on his other side, and his hands are under Leon, pulling his shirt up, dragging over Leon's skin, and Leon groans around the vine between his lips as leaves brush teasingly over his nipples.

"Shh, shh, stay here," a third one says, and his voice is so sweet, so gentle, that Leon doesn't want to leave, wants to let his vines pull at Leon's jeans, drag them off his hips. Even the hot air touching his over-heated skin feels good, and he squirms, sluggishly, sighs in relief as thick, cool nectar starts to drip in his mouth. He's so thirsty, it's so sweet, like soda on a desert-hot day...

"Yes, drink," the first flower coos, and kisses the back of Leon's neck, pushes its vine deeper into Leon's mouth, "swallow it all up, drink..." and Leon obeys, licking with blurry eagerness at the sweetness, swallowing and sucking, savoring the taste on his tongue. It's like honey, but it tingles, and his stomach feels hot, and he wants more-- the flower obliges, and pushes its vine into Leon's throat, and he can't quite breathe but it taste so good, he wants it, he wants...

There's more cooling nectar starting to slide across his skin, and he trembles, drinking desperately, as the other flowers pet his skin, pull his clothes aside, drape his hot skin with cool liquid. It feels good, and he moans to let the flowers know, and the one filling his throat with nectar pulls back, tips his head up, kisses him. He's so pretty, and his lips are like petals, softer than skin... Leon licks into the kiss, and the flower's lips taste like jasmine tea, like sugar, like sweet desserts, and part with a surprised "oh!" to let Leon press into his mouth. He tastes sweet, so sweet...

"He's eager," says one flower, and his voice is soft and approving, and he slides under Leon easily, nuzzles his neck, pulls at his thighs until Leon is kneeling across him, legs trembling. "So handsome," he adds, and kisses under Leon's chin. His leaves are on Leon's skin, his hands are on Leon's ass, and his belly is under Leon's cock; with a groan, Leon grinds against him, pulls out of kissing the flower in front of him to duck down and kiss the flower below him. He giggles, and his daisy-yellow eyes close, and he drapes his arms around Leon's neck, curls his fingers in Leon's hair. He tugs it free of his ponytail and then tugs it some more, playfully, pulling Leon's lips away from his so he can kiss Leon's chin and cheek, brush a bunny-kiss against his nose, pull Leon down to kiss the flower's delicate, cool neck. "Do you want to share your seed with us?" he asks, and he moves under Leon, pressing his cock between their bellies, lets Leon grind and groan against his skin. "Do you want to pollinate me? Fill me with your fruit? Oh, you naughty animal..."

"Don't be perverse," says the first flower Leon kissed, scoldingly, while the third giggles. The third's hands are on Leon's ass now, he thinks, because the first's hands have joined the second's in his hair, tug him upwards, kisses him again-- Leon chases the fleeting flavor of jasmine tea with his tongue, and the flower lets him for a few seconds. Then he pulls back, straightens up on his knees, and there's another vine there, leaking sweet nectar-- no, it's a cock, thick and hard and of a length that would make Leon self-conscious about his own dick if he wasn't so distracted-- it presses to his lips, and the sweetness is there again. Leon licks eagerly at the sweet, cool nectar, and the flower moans, sweet and high and delicate, but his hands are tightening in Leon's hair, and his hips rock, and his cock pushes into Leon's mouth. "Good, good," it praises, as the sweet head rubs against Leon's tongue, "swallow my nectar, my hungry little bee." 

If Leon's mouth wasn't full of cock, he might have asked, _your little what?_ and kicked this guy's ass-- but his limbs are still heavy and unresponsive, and he doesn't really want to, he wants to swallow the nectar like he's asked, wants to let the flower slowly fuck his face, wants to taste it as it fills his mouth and slides down his throat, wants to let the cock push deep-- he jerks, a little, as it does, his stomach twisting and throat clenching, but then a flood of nectar quashes the instinctual reaction, and the fat, eager vine presses deeper; Leon can't breathe, but it feels good, feels _right_ , the cool slick nectar letting the cock push down his throat. His jaw hurts a little from how wide his mouth is being spread open, and it's being spread more with every inch, but the flower is moaning sweetly, his nectar is so good...

Leon doesn't resist being pulled by the hair until his lips meet the flower's crotch, or when the flower pulls back and starts to fuck his face with eagerness. His gut burns with pleasure at every drop of nectar spread inside him, and his hips-- they're moving on his own, grinding against the flower under him, who's touching his throat and cooing up at him, murmuring more praise. "Pretty animal," he coos, and Leon's head is starting to spin, his lungs ache, but neither matter as much as the praise and the cock. "You're perfect, want you," and the cock is filling his throat so good, so sweet and heavy on his tongue, he wants them back, wants this--

With a soft, delicate cry, the flower above him shoves deep down his throat, deeper than Leon would have ever thought possible if he ever thought about giving blowjobs, and cool nectar floods him, fills him, spills down into his stomach and up into his mouth-- then, roughly, the flower pulls out, cum still spurting from his cock across Leon's lips and cheeks as Leon gasps for air, gulps around the flower-sweet liquid in his mouth; even more roughly, he drags Leon up by the hair and kisses him, tongue following where his cock had been, pushing between Leon's lips, and Leon finds himself whining and trembling, sucking at his tongue, too. More, more, he wants more...

"Poor thing," the quiet flower behind him says, and cool fingers spread with cooler nectar rub across his skin, making him shiver.

"I want him," coos the one under him, and his hand slides between them, wraps around Leon's cock, barely teases the head with his thumb; Leon gasps into the kisses, rocks his hips eagerly. "Get him ready for me?"

The flower behind him hums, and kisses between Leon's shoulder blades as his fingers slide between the cheeks of Leon's ass; he squirms, and his heart races, and his head hurts, but everything feels so good-- there's cool nectar on his skin, smooth soft leaves spreading him open, dainty little touches to his hole, and Leon trembles, strung between the rough grip on his hair and rough tongue fucking his mouth and the gentle way his cock and asshole are being played with.

Under him, the yellow-eyed flower coos, "Look at him, so pretty," and the green-eyed flower pulls back a little, does look at him, and smiles, so sweet and delicate and innocent-eyed, before leaning close and licking his cum off Leon's cheek.

"I wonder if we can keep him," he murmurs against Leon's cheek, and kisses and licks back to his mouth; his tongue tastes like nectar, and deliriously, Leon thinks he would like to be kept, wants to be kept, wants to taste this every day, and moans eagerly into the kiss, leans into it, lets himself be possessed by the beautiful man and his beautiful mouth and the smell and taste of him, floral and dizzying.

Behind him, the quiet one murmurs, "He's ready," and Leon had barely felt the fingers inside him, slick and cool and light, until they were gone; but now he wishes they were back, squirms and whines for them, and the flower under him laughs sweetly.

"Oh, he is ready," the flower agrees, and Leon doesn't see him move his hand to guide his cock, but Leon's very distracted, so he must have-- there's a hard, cool, blunt dick nudging at his ass now, already wet with pre, and hands on his thighs, holding him steady as he's pressed into-- stretched-- oh--

"Fff _fuck_ ," Leon says, and he sounds slurred and drunk, even to his own ear. The flowers titter, caress him with their leaves, press their petals to him, and it's like reality is suddenly flickering around him, the beautiful men's skin bleeding over to green, their petals softening to tousled hair, the cock inside him (oh fuck) twined and twisting vines, squirming inhumanly, and he pants, twists weakly, pollen sticking to his damp skin and filling his lungs--

Oh, _fuck_ , it feels good, and he shivers and everything snaps back, beautiful men touching him, a hard cock slowly spreading him open, and it feels good he wants it he loves it he wants to be stretched wide around the cock, he wants to be fucked, come on-- with a whine, he tries to rock his hips back, and the flower under him coos, presses his hands to his chest, asks, "More?" and grins when Leon nods. "Look, he wants more," he chirps, and the man behind Leon, so quiet and soft-voiced, chuckles, his hands squeezing Leon's thighs.

"More," he murmurs, agreeably, and leans in close, his weight pressing against Leon's back, his stomach pressed against Leon's bound hands, his lips pressing against the nape of Leon's neck. He's big-- Leon hadn't realized how big, he hadn't pressed up against Leon like this, hadn't come where Leon could see him-- and fire burns in Leon's gut as he feels the man's cock rubbing up against his ass. Holy shit, he'd thought the other guy's cocks were big-- and they _were_ \-- but he could bring this guy in for having a concealed weapon, holy shit-- except it's not concealed, it's getting humped between his asscheeks, and Leon should be intimidated by the guy who's apparently got a rocket launcher instead of a magnum, but oh god _he wants it inside him_ , he's burning for it, his cock is twitching and his lungs are laboring and he's rocking his hips, and they're all laughing and touching him and his legs are trembling as he's let down gently from where he'd been dragged by the hair, laid back down chest-to-chest with the pretty gold-eyed man, the big guy draped atop him and grinding lazily against his ass. As the guy under him sets about kissing Leon's face, their third friend settles back-- to watch, Leon thinks, and quivers, licks his lips, kisses back, and thinks about the bigger cock behind him as the guy under him fucks him. Maybe-- if the guy under him comes quickly-- he can get that huge thing inside him sooner, the moment the gorgeous guy pulls out--

He doesn't feel relaxed at all anymore, he just feels desperate, like he's burning up from the inside out, like every thrust inside him is setting off a fire and it's starting to roar, searching for fuel.

With a kiss to his cheek, the yellow-eyed man under him whispers, "Don't worry, my naughty animal... you'll get what you need," and his hips rock, driving his cock deeper into Leon-- fuck, it feels so big, reaches so deep, Leon cries out in pleasure, trembles helplessly-- and then half-pulling out, a torturous drag. "You'll get all the more you want," he murmurs, a sly smile on his face, and Leon doesn't know what that means but it sounds _so_ fucking good that he whines and wiggles and presses his face desperately into the flower's cool neck. Then give it to him, please, he needs it--

Above him, the big guy shifts, and his fucking massive dick isn't nestled between Leon's cheeks anymore-- just the head is, and it's dripping and slick and hard, and sliding down towards his hole, and oh, he's gonna get it _now_? Leon's not complaining, and he waits, trembling, for the guy under him to pull out, so the big guy can push in.

But he doesn't? He just lets the big guy's cock bump and grind against Leon's ass, and Leon whines, because now he _is_ complaining, let him _take_ it, he needs it--

Giggling, the guy under him grabs him by the hair and shoves his tongue in his mouth, and Leon pulls in a deep breath, and-- oh, oh-- oh god--

Leon whimpers, because the head is spreading his hole open, and his hole was _already_ being spread open, and it almost might have hurt except it feels _incredible_ , like, holy _shit_ , it's huge and hard and he feels stretched and _full_ , incredibly full, he desperately wanted that cock but he didn't know it could feel this good-- he whimpers again, and the head of the cock's inside him, and there's so much more to go--

In unspoken unison, both of them thrust together, and Leon might have shouted in pleasure but he's not sure-- he is sure that his vision blacked out for a moment, that his entire body felt that thrust, that his dick _definitely_ felt it, and that he might die if they do it again, the huge and huger cocks inside him filling him up indescribably, he feels stretched tight around them and it feels insane, like nothing he's ever felt during sex-- and then they do it again, and Leon can barely even breathe, shoulders tense and cock twitching and eyes squeezed shut against the sparking lights blazing through him. Oh fuck--

Under him, the gorgeous man starts thrusting normally again, but _normally_ is so different with the other cock pressed so firmly inside him, and pushing forward, and forward, and forward still, its slick head pushing its way to impossible depths, the shaft getting fatter and fatter and parts of Leon that he didn't know could be stretched out and filled getting stretched and filled beyond imagination, and Leon's entire body is giving up on having the strength to do anything but tremble helplessly, whimper senselessly, and let himself get fucked.

"Ohh, I can feel you through his body," the flower under him says, sounding delighted, and coos at Leon, sliding his hands up Leon's back; with a touch, his hands are unbound, and the flower grabs one, drag it limply between them, and press it to Leon's stomach. "Feel that?" he murmurs, and the big guy thrusts, and Leon does feel it-- inside and out-- a bulge, firm and impossible, moves under his hand, and the slick head and thick shaft inside him rub a desperate whine out of Leon. "Oh, you do feel it, don't you? Don't you love being filled?" the flower asks, and giggles, and leaves Leon's hand where he brought it as he grabs his hips and sharply thrusts into him, holding him steady with delicate, steel-strong fingers. With a low groan, the huge guy's hands settle over the first's, and he follows suit-- and Leon definitely cries out, feeling the shifting pressure inside him, how much cock does this guy even fucking _have_ , Leon wants all of it inside him...

Careless about how each roll and push of their hips makes Leon's vision sparkle, the flowers fuck him eagerly, coo and murmur their affection, kissing his face and hair and holding his hips steady as he trembles and quivers between them. Under him, the man with yellow eyes is starting to breathe hard, and he tugs Leon's head down next to his, to whisper in his ear, "I'm going to fill you with my pollen, sweet little animal, fill you until you swell with fruit..."

That sounds like a _great_ idea to Leon, like it might satisfy the burning hunger inside him, and he nods eagerly into his neck, groans _please_ , and with a giggling moan, the flower under him drives his cock deep into Leon, kissing his ear as Leon whimpers in pleasure. "Ready yourself," the flower murmurs, warns, _promises_ , and Leon can feel the cock inside him _throb_. He whines, desperately, grinds his hips back, and the flower coos and sighs and releases inside him, cool and wet and so inhumanly much... he can feel it filling him, filling every crevice of him that's not already spread wide open by their cocks...

Leon loses a few second, he thinks, face buried in the flower's neck, his ass stuffed with cocks and cum and holy _shit_ why hasn't he been doing this before? (There must be a reason?) (was there a reason?) (his head is spinning, his lungs hurt...)

His entire body is trembling and limp as the flower slowly drags his cock out of him, and he groans as the cock slips free, leaving only the bigger one inside him, as he feels cool, slick cum slip out of his hole and down his balls... the flower under him sighs, happily, and gives him a kiss, and tells the huge guy behind him, "All yours now."

Leon finds himself wrapped in vines and leaves-- no, the arms, the arms of the guy behind him, and pulled back to sit in his lap, and Leon whines as it drives the cock deeper inside him. He can look down and see it, now, see the bulging shape of it behind his navel, see that it's at least as thick as his wrist where it's pushed into him, and he watches, panting and trembling, as the flower lazily rolls his hips, his cock sliding easy with the other man's cum to lube the way and the bulge in Leon's stomach moving with it. It's so big-- even without another cock jammed in there alongside it, Leon's trembling with every little thrust and drag inside him, feels just as full, he can't handle it, it's too good--

Gasping, Leon cums across the stomach of the flower they're still spread over, and his vision fizzes and his body burns, and the cock keeps moving even as he slumps bonelessly back against the man fucking him.

•••

Leon's not quite sure what happens after that.

His vision goes hazy, and his body's confused about what it's feeling, sometimes certain there's hands on him, arms around him-- but no, he's tangled in plants, those are vines-- the fat cock inside him, moving lazy and slow, is massive but human-- no, it's a tentacle, green and smooth, twisting and squirming inside him, making him cry out weakly-- and his body moves without him remembering moving it.

When did he get tipped onto his back, arms and legs wrapped around the green-eyed man? (Oh, it feels good, more, more--)

When did he get rolled onto his belly, hips dragged up and hole getting desperately fucked? (Please, please, he needs it--)

He's pressed against the wall, held up only by vines wrapped around his wrists and shoved inside him, pulsing as they fill him with another load of nectar, his belly feels round and heavy, (almost enough, almost, please, just a little more--)

Lips and petals brush all over him, and the yellow-eyed man is riding his cock, and behind him the big guy has Leon's legs spread around his hips, his dick shoved in to the hilt, his hands caressing and petting the other flower's body as Leon struggles to watch--

A cool hand on his forehead, and a sigh, and Leon's eyes flutter open to see someone even prettier than the flowers, looking down at him with peevish resignation. "My dear detective," D says, and his voice is almost as mild and calm as ever, "there's a reason the shop was closed today," and Leon can barely focus his eyes but he can just barely raise a hand, catch the Count's sleeve, and grin dazedly up at him. Is it the Count's turn? He's still hungry for more, he feels full and exhausted and completely fucked senseless but he could totally go again.

D's cheeks pink, even though Leon doesn't think he said that out loud, and he brushes the vines tangled around Leon away with his delicate fingers. "You desperately need a bath, Mister Detective," he says, and Leon's not sure he can get to a bathtub, or that he wants to, it feels good in here...

... he doesn't remember walking, but maybe he did, because now he's in a fancy-ass bathroom, sat in a huge wooden tub, and D is leaning over it, fussing with the taps. Warm water is rising up around his legs, and he feels limp and warm and relaxed, and look at the Count... he's so...

D glances at him, and asks, archly, "Have your senses returned yet, Mister Detective?" and Leon nods, dazedly.

"Yeah, sure," he says, voice rough and blurry, and smiles at the Count, who scoffs, clearly disbelieving. Rude. Leon's totally got his fucking senses or whatever. "Hey, Count, buddy... come closer?"

D doesn't budge, giving Leon a disgruntled look, so Leon takes it upon himself to lean towards him, and use his numb and trembling hands to grab him by the stupid pretty dress he's wearing, and drag him down for a kiss. And sure maybe Leon kind of misses, gets more chin than lips, but-- oh, god, he tastes like the flowers, like sweets and tea and like Leon could kiss him forever. Before D can pull back, can do more than make a startled noise, Leon drapes his arms around his neck, and licks at his lips, and trembles as the heat in his gut reawakens. "Fuck," Leon mumbles against D's mouth, and he wants-- he _wants_ , wants more, wants and wants and wants--

"Detective," the Count says, and gently pulls away, puts a hand over Leon's mouth to block him from more kisses, "you don't truly want this."

"Don't tell me what I want," Leon slurs, and kisses the inside of D's wrist. The guy jerks his hand away like Leon bit him, and his perfect porcelain-skinned face has blossoms of pink on his cheek as he tries to duck out of the loop of Leon's arms. "C'mon--"

"Detective--"

"Want _you_ ," Leon tells him, and the Count hesitates, glances at him through his lashes, through the curtains of dark hair that fall around his face, and Leon can't tell what he's thinking.

"... Leon," the Count says, and Leon comes to attention, because D almost never calls him by his first name-- and the Count's hands cup his cheeks, and Leon wants to moan, wants to press into his touch, but the Count's hands are firm as steel, holding him in place. Looking into Leon's eyes, D orders, very softly, "Take your bath."

His grip relaxes enough for Leon to nod, and Leon does nod, obediently, but-- a plot hatches in his mind.

Loosening his arms from around D's neck, Leon slides his hands down his shoulders, his arms-- he's so delicate, like a deer, or a unicorn, slender and light, it's fucking incredible that he's so strong-- and catches D by the hands as he pulls them away from Leon's face. With a sigh, the Count indulges him for a second, cheeks pink and a resigned frown on his lips, and that's just long enough for Leon to put all the strength he has left into pulling the Count into the tub with him.

D splutters and wiggles and splashes, and says, indignant, "Mister Detective! Please!" as Leon wraps his arms around him. "Detective Orcot-- _Leon_ \--" Leon moans, and rubs his face into D's hair, and it's silky and soft and he loves it. "-- you're ruining my clothes!"

"Take'm off," Leon suggests, and nuzzles his jaw, he's so pretty, prettier than the other guys were, he's always been so pretty-- D is squirming in his arms, stirring up the water slowly rising around them, and Leon wants to keep him here, wants to have him close, wants to be touched... He puts his hands on Leon's bare chest, which is a good start, but then he pushes away, out of Leon's grasps, and frowns intently at him, which is definitely a bad start. "D, come on," Leon groans, and squirms, and the Count glances down-- he doesn't look surprised that Leon's cock is hard, but he does look almost annoyed, and he lets out a soft sigh.

"You're so obstinate," he complains, voice as soft as his sigh, and stands up, towering over Leon, the water only up to his calves (but those loose trousers he's wearing under his dress are drenched, clinging, Leon wants to touch him, and thought turns to action and he's petting the Count's leg, even as he makes a complaining noise). D looks down at him for a moment, and Leon looks back; after a few seconds, D sighs, leans down to pet a hand through Leon's loose hair, and murmurs, "What will we do with you, my dear detective?"

Leon's dick has some ideas, but before they can take the form of words, D's raised his hands to the weird little ribbon-buttons that hold his dress closed, and he's starting to undo them, and Leon's heart is fucking _pounding_ in his ears. He might be staring wide-eyed like he's never seen someone get undressed for him before-- he has, he totally has, but not for a while--

( _and it's D, and that's different, and he needs him,_ )

\-- and for all that D never seems to be less than 95% covered in fancy clothes, he doesn't seem at all self conscious as he pulls the dress off over his head, leaving him bare-chested and his hair ruffled, and Leon shivers despite the warm water rising up towards his shoulders. "Oh, fuck," he mumbles, and D is taking, like, fifty years to fold the dress into a neat square; Leon snags it out of his hands and tosses it across the bathroom, where it slaps against the door and slides to the floor.

"Really, Detective!" D objects, and sighs. "Is this the pollen, or are you always so impatient?" Carefully, he balances on one foot to raise the other, and slips off his sodden slipper.

"What pollen?" Leon asks, because he doesn't know what D's talking about, and earns a laugh for his ignorance.

The other slipper comes off. "So you _are_ always like this," D says, with a little shake of his head, and undoes the ribbon holding his trousers up; they crumple down into the water, and he sighs, leans down to pick them up, and seems to be totally ignoring that Leon can't think or breathe or do anything but look at him, fuck, he'd thought the flowers-- the guys-- flowers? They had been pretty, but D is, like, _pretty_ , and all he's wearing now is his underwear, and it's wet from when Leon pulled him into the water, clinging to parts of D that Leon's very, very happy to see--

He wrings out his pants over Leon's head, and Leon splutters, smacks at them, growls at D; he's laughed at again, and D lets him grab and toss those, too, and drag him down into the water. The re-addition of D's body makes it slosh up over the edges, and D says, "A moment, detective," and pulls away just enough to turn off the water before they flood the room or some shit. Leon doesn't really care if they do, he just cares that D is so close-- so close to naked-- and once the water's off, he wraps his arms around D, pulls him close, nuzzles into his neck-- his skin is gorgeous, like he's made of moonlight or some romantic bull like that, and Leon wants to kiss it, kiss all of him, touch him and be touched back-- and D is touching him back, though it's more businesslike, rubbing at his sweaty arms and neck, pressing lightly over his navel and making Leon whine as the nectar-- cum?-- pollen?-- inside him makes itself known again, heavy and still cool inside him. "Oh, they did enjoy you, didn't they?" he sighs, and shakes his head. "You poor fool."

"Hey... fuck you," Leon mumbles, distracted, and his hands find D's hair, and his lips find his ear, and D _does_ have something going on in him besides making fun of Leon because he moans, startled, when Leon gives his pretty ear a nibble. Leon should have guessed-- D _was_ super into that cannibal asshole-- he probably loves being bitten, and Leon's gonna put that theory to the test right fucking now, right here on his neck.

D gasps and shivers, pressing his face into Leon's hair, and his businesslike touches become something more like desperate clings, hands curling around Leon's hips and his long nails biting into Leon's skin.

With a satisfied growl, Leon decides he was definitely on the right track, and nibbles at D's neck some more, and he gets repaid with whimpers, with squirming, with D pressing close and nuzzling his hair and whispering, "Oh, Detective... you..."

Whatever D was saying, he loses his train of thought, which is great because who needs to think anyways, and Leon's sucking at a bite he left to turn it into a bruise and that's driving D absolutely fucking nuts, whining and shivering against Leon, and he can feel his dick getting hard against Leon's leg, and maybe Leon should grab D's butt and pull him snug against him? Fuck, yeah, that was a great idea, because now D's dick is snuggled up against Leon's dick and that feels _good_.

Pulling back to look over his hickeywork, Leon sees that D is flushing red, and Leon's never seen his hair look so ruffled, and he's-- "Beautiful, you're fucking beautiful, want you so much," he mumbles, and D ducks his head and looks wistful and sad and distant, no matter how nude and ruffled and wet and close he is.

"Give it a few hours," D says, softly, and cups Leon's cheek, "and you'll be back to how you were, my dear detective."

Leon grunts, and pushes forward to kiss D, because he's right here wanting this right now, so who cares about later?

With a sigh, D seems to decide something, and kisses back briefly, his arms slipping around Leon's waist. "For now... what do you need? What is it that you desire?" he asks.

"You," Leon says, instantly, insistently, and D smiles at him, small and distant.

"Of course you do," he murmurs, and presses close, kisses Leon's jaw. "Then let me grant your wish..."

Leon should maybe be a little unnerved by that, he's seen the gore that happens when D grants wishes, but it's impossible; he's way too fucking horny, and he can't do anything but groan as D returns the favor of bites down his neck, little delicate touches of his teeth that still make Leon's cock jerk against his, make Leon arch in pleasure under him, water sloshing as he moves. "Ahh, damn, D," he groans, and rocks his hips up, grinds their cocks together, only water and the barely-there fabric of D's underwear between them. For all that D was getting kind of weird there for a minute, he's definitely into this, sighing and moaning against Leon's skin, and Leon feels smug and hungry and boiling-hot at every noise. He's doing this, he's ruining D's composure, he's the one that D's rubbing back against and nuzzling into and he's the one who can hold onto D's cute ass with one hand and touch his soft, soft hair with the other.

Right now, he feels like he could do this forever, that he could stay in the tub until his whole body prunes up as long as D were there to prune up with him-- but he probably doesn't, he's probably too fancy to get pruny fingers and toes. Leon laughs to himself, nuzzling D's hair, and the other man pulls back a little, nose wrinkled and the faintest frown on his lips.

He's so pretty, Leon thinks, and kisses that frown, and D promptly melts back against him. 

"Ridiculous," D accuses into the kiss, and his hands drag down Leon's back, nails digging for Leon to feel-- oh, damn, he'd nearly forgotten D's fucking _claws_ , and he squirms and gasps in response to the scratches.

He'd tell the guy that _he's_ ridiculous but it was already kind of hard to string words together, and now he's getting so hard that it's totally impossible, all he wants to do is get touched. He'll definitely take scratched and bitten too, though, like D's one of his own wild critters-- maybe D will fuck him like something wild, too? Maybe all that self-control and sophisticated elegance would melt away, and--

He shivers, as D nibbles his neck some more, and moves his hands, dropping them to rid D of his underwear-- or at least get it off his dick-- and D shivers in return as he hooks his fingers in the guy's waistband, and tugs the flimsy thing down over his cock, letting it find freedom in the warm water of the bath. "Mmmm," D informs his collarbone, definitely not complaining; Leon wraps his hand around his dick, and D adds, "Mm!"

His hips rock forward, and he thrusts against Leon's grip, and it's _hot_ , having D's dick in his hand. How much hotter will it be when-- oh, god, Leon can't wait for _when_ , he's got to have him now--

He begs, breathlessly, dizzily, "D, fuck me," and whines when D pulls back, gives him a wide-eyed look.

"Are you--" he starts, and Leon begs more, " _Please,_ c'mon," and D takes a visible breath, cheeks bright pink. He licks his lips.

"Dear Detective," he says, softly, and his hands drift off Leon's back, move through the water as elegant as fancy fucking tropical fish, come to rest under his thighs. Leon squirms, breathless. "You're certain this is what you want from me? This is what your wish is?"

Leon would say, _do I fucking sound uncertain,_ except he's going to fucking die if D doesn't shove his dick in him, and all he can manage is a whine, desperate and needy.

"Well," D says, and huffs a breath, smiles at Leon, and easily lifts one of Leon's legs out of the water to rest over his shoulder-- oh, fuck-- and the other one-- and how is it fair that he can move Leon around so easily? Normally he'd say it's not, but right now he's clinging to the sides of the tub with both hands, panting hard, legs trembling as D's cock rubs against his hole; it's totally fair, he decides, in this particular situation, because it's making him burn inside, making his stomach tremble, making his toes curl with anticipation-- please, please--

D turns his head, and kisses the side of Leon's knee, where there's a scar from Leon falling off his bike when he was a kid, and murmurs, "If you're ready, my dear?" (He left off Detective, and Leon's heart and head are pounding.)

Leon nods desperately, and D rests his cheek against Leon's leg, strokes his thigh, and pushes in--

He slips in easy, after everything else Leon's ass has been through today, but that doesn't mean it doesn't feel good; and he has, like, a normal amount of dick, but it's amazing, because Leon gets to watch his eyelashes flutter, watch him gulp in a quick hot breath, feel his hands squeezing Leon's legs. "Yeah," Leon groans, bumping his heel against D's back, and the man laughs at his impatience, breathless and unsteady, but he also thrusts, pushes in deeper, stuffs Leon with his cock...

Dazedly, Leon groans and whimpers and whines as D fucks him, and with the water under him and his legs lifted like this, he almost feels like he's floating on air, or in space, and the soft sloshing of water and the panting of their breaths fills his ears as his eyes fall closed. D doesn't lose himself entirely, but Leon does, and he's totally shameless as each thrust pushes a noise of pleasure from his throat, as each touch of D's nails make him shiver, as the desperate longing inside of him is filled, filled, filled...

It comes as a surprise to him when D's even strokes suddenly stutter, and Leon only just has his eyes blinked blearily open to watch as D bites his lip, brow furrowed, face turned against Leon's leg again. God, even like this he looks fucking pretty-- and then he pushes in roughly, with a moan, nails digging into Leon's skin as D cums in his ass.

Leon groans, and D all but collapses forward, gasping for air. With Leon's legs still over his shoulders it's not exactly comfortable, but Leon finds it hard to care when D nuzzles into his neck and breathes his name, and then just breathes, cold across Leon's wet skin, cock still pressed inside him.

They stay there like that, D shifting after a few moments to let Leon's legs slide back down around his waist, Leon draping his arms back around D as he recovers. And it's so warm, so close, he could stay there forever, he thinks...

•••

Leon wakes ups sore, exhausted, and dazed in his own apartment, and stares blankly at the ceiling for a few long minutes as his alarm blares next to him.

Did he have the _weirdest_ fucking sex dream, or...?

The other option is alarmingly possible-- it wouldn't be the first time he woke up at home after some frankly fucking _supernatural_ shit went on around D, and it, uh... well... fuck.

Jill's gonna laugh her fucking _ass_ off if she gets even a hint of what happened. He's going to have to move to... to fucking Utah or something. He's going to have to move to _Spain_ and never, ever, ever talk to anyone he's ever known ever again.

He's gonna have to talk to Count D again.

Sighing, Leon swings his legs out of bed and smacks the alarm off before he buries his face in his hands, and thinks about what he's going to say. What do you do after a guy rescues you from... from whatever the hell was happening in that fucking jungle-sauna, and you get him to--

He's glad his face is in his hands. He doesn't want the posters on his walls to see how red he's getting.

Maybe he'll just wing it. Maybe he'll just pretend it never happened. Maybe he'll get there, and D will look at him with a mild smile and say, "My dear detective, I haven't seen you in two days, I have no idea what you're talking about!" and Leon will look like a fucking idiot, whether or not that's true.

"Fuck," he says, and kicks an empty beer can across the room, and decides that all sorts of deciding will have to wait until later, because he's still got fucking work today, and he's going to be late if he doesn't start hauling ass.

**Author's Note:**

> If I had more time there would be more of this but I was running out of the stuff! Time is mean tbh.
> 
> EDIT: if you're one of the 12 hits that read this in the first hour it was up, i added another sex scene that was originally planned but clearly I didn't really have time to write. But it's written now! Rejoice!


End file.
